You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
