Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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