just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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