Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
