Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize