She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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