im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
