Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
