Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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