i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
