Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dating After Heartbreak
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?