I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will