last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
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He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
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His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.