Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
