well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
