Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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