dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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