I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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