Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
