super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
