I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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