He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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