I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize