I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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