she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
