My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
