ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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