Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
