Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
