He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
