I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she peed on how many people?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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