If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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