My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
