Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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