i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
