I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
