the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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