He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
