I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
