Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
