3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The beer is more important than you right now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
