Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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