So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
