No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
