Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
