he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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