we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
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Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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