Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
