She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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