Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
