Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
