She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
