it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
