I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
