I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My vagina just recognized that song.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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