She's JV to your varsity
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
