so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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