Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
