just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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