Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
