He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
