everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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