I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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