My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
