oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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