the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
