I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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