i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
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