the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
