hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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