if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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